my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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