Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
