i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
