I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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