Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
