Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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