Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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