he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
