I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dear god my vagina.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
