I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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