We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
