Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
