11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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