cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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