guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
