i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
