My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I look better un-naked...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
