She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
