I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize