The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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