well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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