would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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