I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
