I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
