drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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