So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
