i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
