Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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