theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
