Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
