was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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