I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
worst night to have a conscience
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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