last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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