He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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