so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
