Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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