yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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