so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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