when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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