I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize