Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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