i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
