nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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