meet me or not, i'm out of control
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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