I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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