he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
