no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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