Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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