Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
