He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
