chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
