Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
