Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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