Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
