somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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