i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
