And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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