My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
