She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think people are normalizing furries
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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