if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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