is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Who put my cat in the fridge?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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