He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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