I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize