New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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