hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
