We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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