Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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