I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
